I learn there are SG government initiatives to get younger people to date more
At a dinner party yesterday, my friend brought up that she was part of a government initiative to help younger people date more.
Date more (as prescribed by the government)
I had a group dinner at my friend’s place yesterday, and we broached an interesting topic. My friend brought up she was part of a government initiative that wanted to get younger generations to date more, in hopes of increasing the birth rate and having more marrying of the younger people.
I personally think that would be fascinating to see the outcome, as Singapore government does a great job of structuring programs and processes. But there is one variable that cannot be controlled, and I would think it’s love. Love is unpredictable and emotional. It’s tumultuous and raw. Trying to structure a way for love is really…hard.
There are incentives given by the government such as cash grants for new parents and public housing for young couples. Singapore has been seeing mostly a downward trend in fertility since the 1980s.
Expats and Singaporeans discuss why not enough dating is not happening
In a group of Singaporeans and expats, we discussed the following reasons why there could be roadblocks for dating and sustaining relationships in Singapore among younger generations. (These are entirely opinion based and open discussions that we had. There is no particular stance we take, but we look at it from a bird’s eye view.)
These are my mental notes I’ve taken down.
From an early age, younger generations are boxed into their socioeconomic class and set in their circle. They’re taught to test into a better class or school, and they interact with those within their level. I feel like this is a generalized Asian thing, but perhaps more prominent here because the world is so much smaller and it gets harder to find someone who has similar financial goals, who has the same motivations, and who is on the same education level—this is someone you want to settle down with.
No one wants to date below, which is understandable, but the pool is small and gets smaller, particularly for women because men can always date younger. Women just tend not to. I found that introductory conversations are always started with prestigious school they went to, what job they had in the past, what credentials, etc. In just the first couple of minutes, you understand what box they fit into and if they’ll fit into yours.
Most young adults live at home with their parents, which stymies the freedom of dating around and having sex. In the US, most of us will go off to college and live in dorms, where we develop independence, learn how to become sustainable adults (or live off of cup of noodles every day), and freely date around as we please without our parents nagging what time we’ll come home. Our college years is also a prime time for sexual exploration. In Singapore, the island is so small; it wouldn’t make sense to live in a dorm. You can just take the 40 minute commute home from university. My friend also mentioned she’d never have sex in her parents’ house with the risk of getting caught and hotels were too expensive to afford during college.
The dating pool is small. With a population of 5.6 million, the world gets smaller and smaller as networks become intertwined. Is that why some try to date outside their circle, such as dating expats? I found an interesting discovery—it seemed like a lot of my Singaporean girl friends who studied or lived abroad want something similar in their partner. Some are using Tinder or Coffee Meets Bagel aggressively in hopes to try dating outside their comfortable circle because they want to settle down before the dating pool is so small that there’s nothing left.
They don’t want to date someone who hasn’t been out of the bubble, as the topic of conversations widen like quoted by my friend “the world is more vast than what is just Singapore, and I want a partner who has a worldly view and is not afraid to venture out.”
In terms of how these programs are going to be rolled out, I’m not entirely sure but there been initiatives and subsidies for married couples, those having children, and target ads. It seems like she’s just begun to be a part of it, but I’m curious to follow along. Details tba!
👋 Want to chat? Email me at emilyifang@gmail.com.